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It’s the most magical time of the year! But with all the festivities and excitement comes a lot of stress, forced social interactions and expenditure. Christmas shopping is the bane of most people’s December (and November for the organised ones). So, what would the Grinch do? How would he make it easier for himself? Here’s what you need to know to survive the most joyous of seasons.
Gifting Like a Grinch
- You know what they say, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. So, it’s time for some festive dumpster diving. Have a rummage around your green, brown or black bins, fish out the worst/best bits and slap them in a gift bag. BOOM, trash to treasure. You’ll be watching your loved ones faces light up in no time.
- OK, so literal rubbish might seem a bit much for some of you. If so then how about some of your own unwanted gifts/belongings?! Do a clear out, get rid of some clutter AND end up with a bag full of potential Christmas presents at the end of it all. Problem solved!
- If at all possible, combine birthday and Christmas presents for anyone born within three months either side of Christmas. People LOVE that. Nothing says “you mean a lot to me” more than a Christmas card that says “Happy Birthday!”.
- Avoid family and loved ones until after Christmas, that way you can buy presents at a reduced price in the sales and they’ll be none the wiser. Make sure to make up a decent excuse for skipping Christmas social events like “I’m busy washing my hair”, or “I’m not bothered seeing anyone”.
- Get everyone the same thing (preferably a bath set or 2020 calendar). That way you don’t have to worry about labels or gift tags because everyone is getting the same thing. Bonus points for making it something small and putting it in a big, exciting box.
- Don your festive finery, slap a bow on yourself and tell everyone that your presence is the only present they’ll be receiving from you this Christmas. Honestly, they should be delighted, you’re the best!
- If you do have to go into town to do shopping in person make sure to leave it until Christmas eve and hassle the shop attendants as much as humanly possible. If at all possible, enter the shop minutes before closing time when the shutters are halfway down. Staff might just give you a discount to get you out of there.
- If you’re shopping in town make sure to bring an umbrella so that you can poke and prod people out of your way as you weave through the crowds. Think of it as injecting them with Christmas cheer.
- A bag of coal is very cheap AND will cover multiple people if you just give a few lumps each (you don’t want to be too generous).
- Give everyone a charity donation in their name. It’s eco-friendly, can be cheap and recipients are morally obliged to be thankful for it.
- Gift people a bible, after all, that’s what Christmas is all about, right?! JESUS. Bonus points if you steal them from hotels and then gift them. Again, people have to pretend to be pleased and you look like you’ve gotten into the true spirit of Christmas.
- A small but important rule, NO GIFT RECEIPTS. They’re stuck with your gift whether they like it or not (they’ll love it, of course!).
- DON’T BUY ANYONE ANYTHING. Simple! Do they really deserve it? Are they really worth the effort? Probably not, might as well just leave it.
Let’s Wrap it up
Obviously this is a tongue in cheek article and I’m not actually suggesting you do any of the above, even though it would be HILARIOUS. But if you do, I want photo or video evidence and make sure to tag me (Twitter/Instagram) in your Grinch Christmas Gifting social posts. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!