Now, I’m not saying I’m an angel, but I’m normally a fairly chilled out person (if my family are reading this they’ve probably wet themselves laughing already). But there’s just something, well several things, about airports that make me lose my mind. I go from cool, collected world traveller to raging bitch beast in the time it takes someone to ask “Did you pack your bags yourself?”. Here’s why I turn into a monster in the airport;
1) Toilet doors that open inwards.
What is this? Who thought this was good idea? We are in an AIRPORT. Nearly everyone in this building will have luggage with them. In order to get into the toilet and successfully close the door you basically have to climb on top of your bags. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have nearly lost a boob to one of these doors! Sure, if you’re travelling in groups you can afford the luxury of having someone else watch your bags, but when you’re a solo traveller (like myself) those bags have to join you in the cubicle whether the door likes it or not. Absolutely ridiculous!
2) People that seem unable to scan their boarding cards.
Look at the barcode on your boarding pass, now look at the machine. Now place the barcode under the laser/light in the machine. Yep, just like…… oh wait no…… you, somehow, have managed to mess that up. Have you honestly never had to scan a barcode in your entire life? That’s one privileged life you’ve been leading. The rest of us, who’ve probably experienced at least a month of retail work in our lives, will be leaving you in our dust thank you very much!
3) People that haven’t got their liquids/laptops/shoes ready for security.
Are you for real? Have you been living under a rock? I am completely baffled by you as a human being. I have places to go and YOU are not helping. When I get to security I’m basically wearing nothing and have my laptop and liquids (in the correct sized clear bag) all neatly prepared to place in the tray. Then I breeze through the metal detector while shooting daggers at whatever unfortunate holiday-maker had previously been slowing me down. Probably the one having to put their luggage back through the machine because they forgot that they can’t have scissors in their hand luggage. Grrr.
4) When the electronic passport machine doesn’t read your face.
Eh, it’s still my face. The picture is only a year old. I have not aged drastically. My hair is scraped back from my face. I have no sunglasses on my head, we are indoors. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! It would have been quicker to queue up and see a real life person. It makes me feel like an absolute criminal.
5) When there’s a strike.
I’m not pointing any fingers here (France), but strikes in airports are so far beyond inconvenient. I once waited hours to get through ONE security gate in an airport , *cough* Paris CDG *cough*, because, well, everyone else had decided to strike. I ended up missing my flight. Demon-mode was well and truly engaged. These people are so selfish, wanting good pay and decent working conditions. How inconsiderate.
6) No free wifi.
Really? In this day and age?! Get out. Just get out. How am I supposed to tell everyone that I’m at the airport? I might as well not be going away if I can’t make everyone at home jealous! This probably should have been number one, it really is most important. I mean how else am I going to avoid eye contact with fellow passengers if I can’t stare at my FB home feed??
7) No charging stations.
SO MANY airlines operate with electronic boarding passes now. What if your phone dies in the airport before you board your flight?? Your phone could have been fully charged when you arrived at the airport but due to all the delays caused by the above reasons, the battery won’t be lasting much longer. What’s an airport-goer to do? Well luckily I haven’t found out yet. But STILL, it’s just SO annoyingly inconsiderate and thoughtless. I’ve taken to bringing a spare battery with me everywhere ever since my phone nearly died when I was leaving Portugal.
8) When people take hours to check their bags in.
It’s called bag-DROP. Drop your bags and GO. Jesus, some people have getting in everyone else’s way down to an art. In Thailand, I was once stuck behind a family that were asking the lady behind the counter a MILLION unnecessary questions. I was ready to take a hit out on them by the time they finally plodded off to hold everyone up at security no doubt.
9) It’s too hot.
I am an absolute MONSTER when I get too warm and some airports definitely don’t help this. Zurich is by FAR the hottest airport I have ever experienced. Then again I suppose the fact that I’m usually wearing a million layers to avoid extra luggage fees probably doesn’t help either…..
10) When you have to get weighed before you get on the flight.
Yep, you heard me! In the Philippines I was checking in for an internal flight and after weighing my bag the lady behind the desk gestured to me and then to the scales. After a few drawn out seconds I grasped her meaning and nearly DIED. I had to climb up on these scales that displayed my weight in big red figures for the entire queue behind me to see. GREAT. Well, if that doesn’t make a girl angry I don’t know what will. Needless to say, I was not pleased.
Now, I don’t want you to think I’m all negative about flying, because I DO love it, BUT I also made a list of people that make flying a horrible experience! Check it out if you’re feeling grumpy and love a good rant. hah. In the mean time here’s photographic evidence that I can actually smile and I don’t always turn into a monster in the airport….