ALOHA! Soooo as you may know, I spent a few weeks in Hawaii last month. I guess that qualifies me to teach you how to become the PERFECT tourist in Hawaii.
But first things first, I hope you will understand that this article is made for those with a sense of humour. If you don’t have one, I don’t know how you found my site, but I suggest you leave it now.
For the rest of you amazing folk, here we go, a step by step guide to being a tourist in Hawaii.
1) If possible, be Japanese (not racist, just factual).
2) If you cannot be Japanese, be white, retired and loaded.
3) Extra bonus points if you can arrange it so that you are also on your honeymoon.
4) Make sure you pay extra to be greeted with a Lei. Wear this at all times.
5) Make sure you purchase a Hawaiian shirt. Wear it for entire trip. Never wear again.
6) You MUST rent either a JEEP or a soft top mustang. Nothing else will do!
7) If you go for the soft top, don’t forget to leave the top down even when it’s pouring rain.
8) Drive EXTREMELY slowly on roads so that you can take photos of the beautiful views and hold up all the locals trying to get to work/home.
9) If you can’t rent a car make sure you get one of those tourist trams around town. A lot of them are Japanese only, which is fine because you’re probably Japanese.
10) Buy a shave ice. Make sure you call it SHAVED ice.
11) Don’t eat shave ice, just take a million photos with the shave ice until it melts.
12) Stay ONLY in Waikiki Beach
13) If you venture outside of Waikiki it must ONLY be to a resort or to see a luau
14) Take a photo with the statue of The Duke on Waikiki beach
15) Never wear sunscreen. Sunburn is your trophy from your trip!
16) Make sure you have a surf lesson and use the shaka symbol copiously. Tell everyone you have the “aloha spirit”. The locals will accept you as one of their own.
17) Don’t forget to talk about how much you “feel the waves, man”.
18) Drink nothing but Mai Tai cocktails.
19) Make sure you only visit Oahu, Maui or Kauai. Sure, aren’t those the only ones?!
20) Sing the Jurassic Park theme tune every time you see a mountain.
Got all that? Perfect! You now know everything you could ever need to be the perfect(ish) tourist in Hawaii.
Seriously though, if you ever visit Hawaii your eyes will BLEED with the amount of JEEPs and soft top mustangs you see.
On a more serious note, here’s a little video for you about all the fun things to do in Waikiki , Hawaii.
Have you ever been to Hawaii?? Was there anything I missed off the list?
Very funny, and mostly true. I hope you did visit another island, the BIG one, which is the one we keep going back to. Not quite as touristy except for Kona, but with so much to do and see it’s worth every return triip. The active volcano is there, diligently building a new island under the water somewhere. Hawaii is said to have every ecosystem, or most of them. I haven’t seen a glacier though.
Your blog keeps me wanting more, and makes me want to get out of town. We are going to do that soon.
Thanks, Tara!
Hi Robin! So great to hear you’re enjoying my blog! I did get out of Oahu but only to Maui. I really want to go see the big island!! My boyfriend is a geologist and he really wants to go back and see the lava flows 🙂
Ah, this is killing me! Hilarious, and even though I haven’t been to Hawaii (yet), I definitely recognize some of them from home! We have thousands of tourists visiting my tiny village in Norway, and driving behind them when trying to get to work on time is THE WORST! I’m actually planning a trip to Hawaii in October, and was hoping to rent a jeep, haha!
Hahaha. Glad you liked it. JEEPs are so gorgeous, but you see so many in Hawaii that it puts you off a bit.
Haha, we love #10 and #11. At least shave’d is partially correct. I cannot tell you how many times I’e heard, “I’d like to get a snow cone, please.” A whhaaat?? lol. I usually respond with, “I’m really sorry, but I do not sell those at this establishment. Would a ‘shave’ ice be a suitable substitute? I guarantee you will enjoy it more than a snow cone.” Anyway, funny post! Love the humor!
Views from the summit stretch across the entire island and are particularly beautiful at sunrise.