Flying can be a stressful experience at times. Lugging bags around, queueing for ages in airports, getting frisked by security; it’s not always glamorous jet-setting. In fact, it’s hardly ever glamorous jet-setting but we need to get somewhere so we have to do it.
I was standing on a plane from Thailand to The Philippines losing my mind over how annoying some people could be when flying. That’s when it occurred to me that I needed to rant somewhere about it. After all, my boyfriend had explicitly banned me from complaining any further.
Sooo, I thought I’d write you a list of all the people that make me seriously consider a career in professional homicide while flying.
I’m not including children on this list because I think that’s not really fair. A baby crying isn’t being inconsiderate and neither are it’s parents. They can be cute and adorable and sometimes they can make the whole flying experience even better.
Plus I feel for the parents because it must be so stressful flying with a child. I remember what a nightmare me and my sister used to be.
I am also not including “people that talk to you on the plane”, as suggested by several people. I quite like people talking to me on the plane as long as I’m not trying to watch a film or anything. You never know who you might meet!
Plus, that’s just them being friendly, unlike the inconsiderate meanies I have listed below.
1) People that spend FOREVER checking in.
What are you doing? Did you actually say yes to having a sharp object or explosives in your bags?! Is your passport expired? Are you checking in a million bags??
I don’t care which it is because I am standing here in the airport with my backpack on my back, shoulders screaming for me to stop punishing them, glaring at your head hoping that you will be struck down for your sins against airport goers everywhere and I despise you no matter what your reason. Too much? I’m quite passionate about this.
It’s simple, get to the desk, show them your passport, give them your bags and move on with boarding card in hand. The only acceptable reason for holding up a queue of passengers is that the check in person is in training. In that case, you are not a terrible person, continue on your way. These people make flying hard before you’ve even started flying!
2) People that “forget” to put their liquids in a plastic bag or bring litre bottles of shampoo through in their hand luggage.
Are you serious? Have you been living under a rock? It’s not a new rule. There are signs everywhere. Even free plastic bags in some nice airports. If you’re flying you can’t bring anything over 100ml! SIMPLE.
Kindly stop arguing with the security person, you’re never seeing it again, just move on and get out of everyone’s way. Everyone already thinks you’re a dick.
Now, these are the ones that I cannot abide. I would tear these people limb from limb if it would not end up in a lengthy jail sentence for yours truly.
These are the absolute DICKHEADS that go into the bathroom, knowing full well that there is a queue of their fellow passengers waiting to relieve themselves, and spend about 15 minutes in there doing GOD knows what!
Unless you have a condition of some sort (ostomy or bowel issues etc) then I just don’t understand it. Whip your pants down, do what you have to do, wipe, wash your hands and get out. If that takes you even 10minutes then you’re being ridiculous and 100% inconsiderate.
The last flight I took some girl went in ahead of me and she took so long that several people behind me switched queues. At this stage I genuinely thought I might wet myself. I was so outraged that I could have slapped her when she finally emerged from the bathroom if it wasn’t for my intense desire to get in there myself.
As for me, in and out in well under 10 minutes. Because I’m a considerate human being. People like these make flying so uncomfortable!
4) People that lean their seat back during meals.
Now, I have no objection to putting your chair back at any other stage of the flight, but during meals is just unacceptable.
Do not be a bastard.
You do not immediately need to go to sleep once the food arrives. I HAVE to have my tray down because my dinner is on it. It’s a lot harder to eat my dinner if you’re basically spilling it onto my lap.
I don’t care if you think you’re entitled to put your chair back. The fact of the matter is that, during meals, you are not ! Putting your seat back during meals is a complete amateur flyer move. Or, just a plain inconsiderate prick move.
I have seen air hostesses tell people to put their chairs up during meals and I have rejoiced. Justice is served.
If this ever happens to you ladies and gents, just press the button and ask the air hostess to talk to the person in front or, if all else fails, jam your knees into the back of that chair so hard that the person in front will never be able to get comfortable.
5) People that get drunk on the plane.
Ok, this can be hilarious but imagine how irritating it must be for the poor air hostess or host. Tipsy is fine, have a good time on your holiday, but flat out hammered is just annoying.
I’ve been moved before because the man beside me was so drunk that he wouldn’t move and was being seriously disruptive. I was about 11….. it was terrifying.
6) When someone has a MILLION pieces of hand luggage.
Seriously, I’m sitting there with my mouth gaping open like, “well how the fuck did they get that on the plane when I can only have one that’s got to be under 7kg?!”.
I mean, a man sitting beside me on my flight to Wellington the other day had a guitar and TWO bags. TWO! AND A GUITAR!!
How did he do it?! Sleeping with a staff member? Gold frequent flyer card? Or maybe just some serious charm? Either way I was absolutely outraged as I placed my ONE item of carry on luggage into the overhead locker.
Anyways, that’s me done.
If you’ve enjoyed this you’ll definitely love my rant about 10 things that make me lose my mind in airports.
If I forgot any particular type of horrible person that you’ve encountered in airports or while flying please let me know!!
I still enjoy flying despite the above mentioned bunch of bastards. Hopefully you do too!
Have a good week 🙂