Flying can be a stressful experience at times. Lugging bags around, queuing for ages in airports, getting frisked by security; it’s not always glamorous jet-setting. In fact, it’s hardly ever glamorous jet-setting but we need to get somewhere so we have to do it.
I was standing on a plane from Thailand to The Philippines losing my mind over how annoying some people could be when flying. That’s when it occurred to me that I needed to rant somewhere about it.
Sooo, I thought I’d write you a list of all the people that make me seriously consider a career in professional homicide while flying.
I’m not including children on this list because I think that’s not really fair. A baby crying isn’t being inconsiderate and neither are its parents. They can be cute and adorable and sometimes they can make the whole flying experience even better. Plus I feel for the parents because it must be so stressful flying with a child.
I am also not including “people that talk to you on the plane”, as suggested by several people. I quite like people talking to me on the plane as long as I’m not trying to watch a film or anything. You never know who you might meet!
Plus, that’s just them being friendly, unlike the inconsiderate meanies I have listed below.
People Who Ruin Flying For Everyone Else
1) People who spend FOREVER checking in
What are you doing? Did you actually say yes to having a sharp object or explosives in your bags?! Is your passport expired? Are you checking in a million bags??
I don’t care which it is because I am standing here in the airport with my backpack on my back, shoulders screaming for me to stop punishing them, glaring at your head hoping that you will be struck down for your sins against airport goers everywhere and I despise you no matter what your reason. Too much? I’m quite passionate about this.
Ok, sure, I could put my backpack on the ground or on trolley, or maybe I have a suitcase and the physical pain isn’t such an issue. But nobody wants to stand around in a giant queue that isn’t moving because some dope at the top of the line is kicking up a fuss or desperately trying to remove items from their bag to make weight.
It’s simple, get to the desk, show them your passport, give them your bags and move on with boarding card in hand. The only acceptable reason for holding up a queue of passengers is that the check-in person is in training. In that case, you are not a terrible person, continue on your way. These people make flying hard before you’ve even started flying!
2) People who don’t understand the liquid rules
Are you serious? Have you been living under a rock? It’s not a new rule. There are signs everywhere. Even free plastic bags in some nice airports. If you’re flying you can’t bring anything over 100ml! SIMPLE. If you’re not 100% sure on the security rules, have a read of this post from Dublin Airport.
Also, it’s only ONE bag of liquids and it has to close. What is wrong with you that you need that many items?! Just buy them when you get there, or in duty free. Or if you absolutely have to have a veritable pharmacy-worth of toiletries and skincare then PAY TO CHECK IN A BAG AND PUT THEM IN IT!!
Kindly stop arguing with the security person, you’re never seeing you’re 200ml bottle of sunscreen again, just move on and get out of everyone’s way. Everyone is on the security officer’s side. If we can follow the rules then so can you if you actually take a second to just use your brain.
3) Bathroom Bastards
Ok, it sounds harsh but these are the ones that I cannot abide. I would tear these people limb from limb if it would not end in a lengthy jail sentence for yours truly.
These are the people that go into the bathroom, knowing full well that there is a queue of their fellow passengers waiting to relieve themselves, and spend about 15 minutes in there doing GOD knows what!
Unless you have a condition of some sort (ostomy, bowel issues or maybe a period disaster etc) then I just don’t understand it. Whip your pants down, do what you have to do, wipe, wash your hands and get out. If that takes you even 10minutes then you’re being ridiculous and 100% inconsiderate.
The last flight I took some girl went in ahead of me and she took so long that several people behind me switched queues. At this stage I genuinely thought I might wet myself. I was so outraged that I could have slapped her when she finally emerged from the bathroom if it wasn’t for my intense desire to get in there myself.
Don’t be that person. Think about your fellow passengers.
4) People who lean their seat back during meals
Now, I have no objection to putting your chair back at any other stage of the flight (apart from take off and landing), but during meals is just unacceptable.
Do not be inconsiderate.
You do not immediately need to go to sleep once the food arrives. I HAVE to have my tray down because my dinner is on it. It’s a lot harder to eat my dinner if you’re basically spilling it onto my lap.
I don’t care if you think you’re entitled to put your chair back. The fact of the matter is that, during meals, you are not! Putting your seat back during meals is a complete amateur flyer move. Or, just a plain mean move.
I have seen flight attendants tell people to put their chairs up during meals and I have rejoiced. Justice is served.
If this ever happens to you ladies and gents, just press the button and ask the flight attendant to talk to the person in front or, if all else fails, jam your knees into the back of that chair so hard that the person in front will never be able to get comfortable. Or you could communicate with your fellow passenger if you think that might actually work.
5) People who get drunk on the plane
Ok, this can be hilarious but imagine how irritating it must be for the poor air hostess or host. Tipsy is fine, have a good time on your holiday, but flat out hammered is just annoying and dangerous.
I’ve been moved before because the man beside me was so drunk that he wouldn’t move and was being seriously disruptive. I was about 11….. it was terrifying.
Here’s a few more reasons why you shouldn’t drink on a flight.
6) When someone has a MILLION pieces of hand luggage
Seriously, I’m sitting there with my mouth gaping open like, “well how in the name of Christ did they get that on the plane when I can only have one that’s got to be under 7kg?!”.
I mean, a man sitting beside me on my flight to Wellington the other day had a guitar and TWO bags. TWO! AND A GUITAR!!
How did he do it?! Sleeping with a staff member? Gold frequent flyer card? Or maybe just some serious charm? Either way I was absolutely outraged as I placed my ONE item of carry on luggage into the overhead locker.
7) People Who Put Coats in the Overhead Locker on Busy Flights
Get off the plane, right now. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! On most flights there is a hanger/toggle on the side of the seat in front of you from which to hang your jacket. Use it.
On more budget flights (Ryanair) you might not have that option, but there’s also likely to be VERY limited overhead locker space. Sooooo you filling that limited overhead locker space, despite the staff explicitly telling you not to, is just a bastard move.
The only exception to this is if the flight is essentially empty and there’s plenty of overhead locker space. In that case, work away without feeling my wrath.
8) People Who Take Their Socks off on Planes and/or Put Their Feet up.
Excuse me while I vomit. NOBODY on the plane signed up to get up close and personal with anyone else’s feet. Sure, some people love that stuff, some people even pay good money for it, but chances are your seat-neighbour is not one of those people.
Keep your socks on! I don’t even understand how having bare feet could be comfortable on a plane. Most of the time planes are freezing. I often bring slippers or fluffy socks to slip into once I’m in the air but that only brings the slightest glimpse of feet for a millisecond and then I’m back in my nice, hygienic socks/slippers.
Also, feet can smell, and you don’t want the flight to have to make an emergency landing because of your smelly feet. Seriously, that happened but because of an infection causing serious body odour instead of simple foot smell.
9) People Who Can’t Use The Electronic Passport Machines at Passport Control
Sweet. Baby. Jesus. Passport in, face down, no cover on it, let it be scanned, look in the camera (no hats or glasses etc), remove the passport when it tells you and walk through.
Ok, so I know some of the machines are slightly different but they’re pretty easy to figure out. I just don’t understand how people have such a hard time with them. Or, if you’re not sure, just go to the desk instead.
10) People Who Use the Wrong Door
Ok, so with some airlines it literally says on your boarding pass which door to use (front or back/rear) to enter the plane based on what row you’re sitting in. Other times there will be a sign as you start to board the plane, or there will be an announcement. Either way, people still manage to f*ck it up.
If I’m in row 18 and it says to use the back door because I’m JUST off centre, then that’s what I’ll do. And lord help me when I meet someone, who is clearly coming from the front of the plane, trying to get further down the back, I’m like WTF?! It is not possible for you to be there if you had used the correct door, so GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Just look at your boarding pass, it’s right there. Rules are there for a reason, pffftt.
It’s the small things that would make the entire flying experience so much more enjoyable if people just thought for ONE SECOND.
Anyways, that’s me done. To be honest, this list could probably have another 10 points/types of people on it but I feel like that might paint me in a very grumpy light, so 10 is long enough for now.
If you’ve enjoyed this you’ll definitely love my rant about 10 things that make me lose my mind in airports.
If I forgot any particular type of horrible person that you’ve encountered in airports or while flying please let me know!!
I still enjoy flying despite the above mentioned bunch of idiots. Hopefully you do too!
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