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Flying can be a stressful experience at times. Lugging bags around, queuing for ages in airports, getting frisked by security; it’s not always glamorous jet-setting. In fact,  it’s hardly ever glamorous jet-setting but we need to get somewhere so we have to do it.

I was standing on a plane from Thailand to The Philippines losing my mind over how annoying some people could be when flying. That’s when it occurred to me that I needed to rant somewhere about it.

Sooo, I thought I’d write you a list of all the people that make me seriously consider a career in professional homicide while flying.

flying where is tara

I was BORN for such a career!

I’m not including children on this list because I think that’s not really fair. A baby crying isn’t being inconsiderate and neither are its parents. They can be cute and adorable and sometimes they can make the whole flying experience even better. Plus I feel for the parents because it must be so stressful flying with a child.

I am also not including “people that talk to you on the plane”, as suggested by several people. I quite like people talking to me on the plane as long as I’m not trying to watch a film or anything. You never know who you might meet!

Plus, that’s just them being friendly,  unlike the inconsiderate meanies I have listed below.

People Who Ruin Flying For Everyone Else

1) People who spend FOREVER checking in

What are you doing? Did you actually say yes to having a sharp object or explosives in your bags?! Is your passport expired? Are you checking in a million bags??

flying where is tara

This thing is heavy!

I don’t care which it is because I am standing here in the airport with my backpack on my back, shoulders screaming for me to stop punishing them, glaring at your head hoping that you will be struck down for your sins against airport goers everywhere and I despise you no matter what your reason. Too much? I’m quite passionate about this.

Ok, sure, I could put my backpack on the ground or on  trolley, or maybe I have a suitcase and the physical pain isn’t such an issue. But nobody wants to stand around in a giant queue that isn’t moving because some dope at the top of the line is kicking up a fuss or desperately trying to remove items from their bag to make weight.

It’s simple, get to the desk, show them your passport, give them your bags and move on with boarding card in hand. The only acceptable reason for holding up a queue of passengers is that the check-in person is in training. In that case, you are not a terrible person, continue on your way. These people make flying hard before you’ve even started flying!

2) People who don’t understand the liquid rules

Are you serious? Have you been living under a rock? It’s not a new rule. There are signs everywhere. Even free plastic bags in some nice airports. If you’re flying you can’t bring anything over 100ml! SIMPLE. If you’re not 100% sure on the security rules, have a read of this post from Dublin Airport.

Also, it’s only ONE bag of liquids and it has to close. What is wrong with you that you need that many items?! Just buy them when you get there, or in duty free. Or if you absolutely have to have a veritable pharmacy-worth of toiletries and skincare then PAY TO CHECK IN A BAG AND PUT THEM IN IT!!

Kindly stop arguing with the security person, you’re never seeing you’re 200ml bottle of sunscreen again, just move on and get out of everyone’s way. Everyone is on the security officer’s side. If we can follow the rules then so can you if you actually take a second to just use your brain.

3) Bathroom Bastards

Ok, it sounds harsh but these are the ones that I cannot abide. I would tear these people limb from limb if it would not end in a lengthy jail sentence for yours truly.

These are the people that go into the bathroom, knowing full well that there is a queue of their fellow passengers waiting to relieve themselves, and spend about 15 minutes in there doing GOD knows what!

Unless you have a condition of some sort (ostomy, bowel issues or maybe a period disaster etc) then I just don’t understand it. Whip your pants down, do what you have to do, wipe, wash your hands and get out. If that takes you even 10minutes then you’re being ridiculous and 100% inconsiderate.

flying where is tara

Queues queues queues

The last flight I took some girl went in ahead of me and she took so long that several people behind me switched queues. At this stage I genuinely thought I might wet myself. I was so outraged that I could have slapped her when she finally emerged from the bathroom if it wasn’t for my intense desire to get in there myself.

Don’t be that person. Think about your fellow passengers. 

4) People who lean their seat back during meals

aer lingus business class main meal

I don’t want your seat in my meal!

Now, I have no objection to putting your chair back at any other stage of the flight (apart from take off and landing), but during meals is just unacceptable.

Do not be inconsiderate.

You do not immediately need to go to sleep once the food arrives. I HAVE to have my tray down because my dinner is on it. It’s a lot harder to eat my dinner if you’re basically spilling it onto my lap.

I don’t care if you think you’re entitled to put your chair back. The fact of the matter is that, during meals, you are not! Putting your seat back during meals is a complete amateur flyer move. Or, just a plain mean move.

I have seen flight attendants tell people to put their chairs up during meals and I have rejoiced. Justice is served.

If this ever happens to you ladies and gents, just press the button and ask the flight attendant to talk to the person in front or, if all else fails, jam your knees into the back of that chair so hard that the person in front will never be able to get comfortable. Or you could communicate with your fellow passenger if you think that might actually work.

5) People who get drunk on the plane

aer lingus business class review

sláinte!

Ok, this can be hilarious but imagine how irritating it must be for the poor air hostess or host. Tipsy is fine, have a good time on your holiday, but flat out hammered is just annoying and dangerous.

I’ve been moved before because the man beside me was so drunk that he wouldn’t move and was being seriously disruptive. I was about 11….. it was terrifying.

Here’s a few more reasons why you shouldn’t drink on a flight.

6) When someone has a MILLION pieces of hand luggage

the worst types of people when flying

There are rules and you should not be an exception!

Seriously, I’m sitting there with my mouth gaping open like, “well how in the name of Christ did they get that on the plane when I can only have one that’s got to be under 7kg?!”.

I mean, a man sitting beside me on my flight to Wellington the other day had a guitar and TWO bags. TWO! AND A GUITAR!!

How did he do it?! Sleeping with a staff member? Gold frequent flyer card? Or maybe just some serious charm? Either way I was absolutely outraged as I placed my ONE item of carry on luggage into the overhead locker.

7) People Who Put Coats in the Overhead Locker on Busy Flights

the worst types of people when flying overhead locker queue

Get off the plane, right now. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! On most flights there is a hanger/toggle on the side of the seat in front of you from which to hang your jacket. Use it.

On more budget flights (Ryanair) you might not have that option, but there’s also likely to be VERY limited overhead locker space. Sooooo you filling that limited overhead locker space, despite the staff explicitly telling you not to, is just a bastard move.

The only exception to this is if the flight is essentially empty and there’s plenty of overhead locker space. In that case, work away without feeling my wrath.

8) People Who Take Their Socks off on Planes and/or Put Their Feet up.

worst types of people when flying bare feet

*shivers*

Excuse me while I vomit. NOBODY on the plane signed up to get up close and personal with anyone else’s feet. Sure, some people love that stuff, some people even pay good money for it, but chances are your seat-neighbour is not one of those people. 

Keep your socks on! I don’t even understand how having bare feet could be comfortable on a plane. Most of the time planes are freezing. I often bring slippers or fluffy socks to slip into once I’m in the air but that only brings the slightest glimpse of feet for a millisecond and then I’m back in my nice, hygienic socks/slippers. 

Also, feet can smell, and you don’t want the flight to have to make an emergency landing because of your smelly feet. Seriously, that happened but because of an infection causing serious body odour instead of simple foot smell. 

9) People Who Can’t Use The Electronic Passport Machines at Passport Control

Sweet. Baby. Jesus. Passport in, face down, no cover on it, let it be scanned, look in the camera (no hats or glasses etc), remove the passport when it tells you and walk through. 

Ok, so I know some of the machines are slightly different but they’re pretty easy to figure out. I just don’t understand how people have such a hard time with them. Or, if you’re not sure, just go to the desk instead. 

10) People Who Use the Wrong Door

worst types of people when flying wrong way

Ok, so with some airlines it literally says on your boarding pass which door to use (front or back/rear) to enter the plane based on what row you’re sitting in. Other times there will be a sign as you start to board the plane, or there will be an announcement. Either way, people still manage to f*ck it up. 

If I’m in row 18 and it says to use the back door because I’m JUST off centre, then that’s what I’ll do. And lord help me when I meet someone, who is clearly coming from the front of the plane, trying to get further down the back, I’m like WTF?! It is not possible for you to be there if you had used the correct door, so GET OUT OF MY WAY. 

Just look at your boarding pass, it’s right there. Rules are there for a reason, pffftt. 

It’s the small things that would make the entire flying experience so much more enjoyable if people just thought for ONE SECOND.

RANT OVER

Anyways, that’s me done. To be honest, this list could probably have another 10 points/types of people on it but I feel like that might paint me in a very grumpy light, so 10 is long enough for now.

If you’ve enjoyed this you’ll definitely love my rant about 10 things that make me lose my mind in airports.

If I forgot any particular type of horrible person that you’ve encountered in airports or while flying please let me know!!

I still enjoy flying despite the above mentioned bunch of idiots. Hopefully you do too!


More Funny Articles (If I do say so myself)


 


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13 Responses

  1. Aleah | SolitaryWanderer.com

    I hate #4. I was eating once when this guy in front of me reclined his seat, and my drink spilled. I could have happily killed him! I would add: seatmates who smell strongly of either cologne, smoke, or body odor. Ugh. Kill me now.

    Reply
    • Tara

      Bahahaha. That’s a good one! Luckily I have never experienced that!

      That is SO annoying about your drink spilling. It really amazes me how inconsiderate people can be! Next time definitely tell the air hostess and make her tell off the person!! 😛

      Reply
  2. Claus Andersen

    People who recline their seat while I am working with my laptop should get executed too if they do not have enough manners to take a look back first to make sure that they do no harm if they recline.
    My laptop has ended up on the floor twice because some jerk just threw the seat back.

    Reply
    • Tara

      Ahhh I never use a laptop while flying so I must say I’ve never had that problem!! But that does sound awful! Bleughhh.

      Reply
  3. Sally Munt

    Haha I love this! These things all annoy me too! Sometimes I actually have to put my fist in my mouth to stop from shouting at people! Why, after all these years of the security measures do people try and bring scissors and massive deodorant spray cans in hand luggage. Aggghh I hate spending hours getting through security! I am the queen of toiletries and I can do it super speedy so why can’t they. Also yes, the people with the over sized hand luggage. It takes up all the room in the over head lockers and they nearly knock you out when they try and get it down. Ahhh and breathe!

    Reply
    • Tara

      Amen sista.

      I totally forgot to put this in the blog post but one time a guy took down all his luggage and a TEAPOT fell out and smashed ON MY HEAD!!!!

      I was soooooo ANGRY!!

      Reply
  4. Laura

    I think putting your seat back in general is rude! There is no room as it is without them making it even less room.

    The worst is definitely babies though, or more the parents of babies. Not because it’s annoying to hear/smell a baby in a confined place – but because it’s mean to the baby! The baby doesn’t know what’s going on, other than its ear drums are being squeezed to death. Seriously unless you have to leave the country pronto because it’s a life or death situation, just take your baby in a car/bus/train etc. Please!!

    Actually saying that not all babies are annoying on planes – some people know how to make sure their baby naps at the right time, you’re allowed on planes.

    Haha essay.

    Reply
    • Tara

      Hahah. Quite a few people have been writing essays here and on FB. It’s definitely a topic that gets people worked up. Hahaha.

      Looks like I’ll have to add a few things. I’ve been getting so mnay suggestions!!!

      Reply
  5. Kelly | Endlessly Exploring

    I agree with all of these, especially number 5! I was sitting on the aisle seat once, just minding my own business and reading a magazine. Next minute, this lady comes down the aisle and just collapses right next to me. I freak out, thinking that she’s had a heart attack or something. Then all of a sudden she props herself up and chuckles to herself. This is when I get a whiff of the alcohol on her breath and realise that she’s covered in vomit all down her front (disgusting!) and she continues to stumble down the aisle, fall over and so on. When we arrived at the airport, we all had to wait while she was escorted off the plane – such a nuisance!

    Reply
  6. Natalie

    Just saw this on Pinterest, so late to the game. But what about the flatulent bastards? I’ve even accused my little boy of farting on the plane (when it clearly wasn’t him). Go take a crap & get it over with & out of you so the other 75 people aren’t dying a slow, miserable death for 45 minutes.

    And while we’re onto planes & stench… There is a wonderful Japanese product called One Drop. This should be on every commercial flight.

    Reply
  7. Meryl @ Simple Family Home

    Re: all the excess luggage. There are all sorts of things you are allowed to take on board the plane that don’t count as your one 7kg piece – like a small handbag, your laptop bag, a fold-down stroller and possibly an umbrella? Or a guitar! I don’t know the limits but it’s worth checking out. While moving countries I have definitely been that person stretching their hand luggage allowances to the brink because everything else would either have to be posted home or left behind. So, sorry… 😛

    Reply
  8. Sophie Pearce

    Ugh! So true. I also hate when people put their feet up in between the seats and their foot touches me! Or slide their toes in the gap between the reclining gap of the seat. Vomit. Also when the plane lands and the seat belt sign isn’t even off and people jump to stand in the aisles. Why? It’s not time and We’re not leaving for ages yet. When I’m walking down the aisle to the loo, someone spots me heading down and purposely cuts me up to push in front of me to go before me 🙄 Also, when people stick their full face in the window to block the view if they’re by the window. And lastly (this is a personal one)… how everyone blocks the baggage conveyor. Like, keep a distance so everyone can get at their bags! Ewwww hahaha people turn into monsters when flying. Lol.

    Reply

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